Talking to my mum is something I think about everyday. I’m always thinking about what she would say or do in certain moments in life. It’s something that I find the hardest part of grief, as I can’t pick up the phone and ask for her advice.
I realise not many of you know anything about my mum, unless you know me or her personally. But she was the wisest and most honest person I knew. She would always tell you the right thing to do morally, but never judge you if you didn’t follow her advice.
To me she was the perfect mum, who guided me through my life but without any judgement. All she truly wanted was for me to be happy and follow my own path in life.
It’s now over two years since my lovely mum graced the earth and became my beautiful guardian angel. The grief never does get easier or better, but I have learnt to live with the moments without her by my side.
Although I’ve spent the last two years accepting her loss, the hurt and heart break seems to linger. I’m only just starting to accept these feelings and feel ready to share my a little bit of my story on here. I would love anyone else who is young and lost their mum, to have someone else they can relate to. A person who feels the way they feel and has the emotions they do.
As it’s Mothers Day I wanted to write a letter to my mum and share some of the things I would love to say to her, if she was here…
I wanted to start off by saying Happy Mothers Day. I know I can’t spend today with you, but of course you’re always in my heart and mind everyday.
I can’t believe it’s been over two years now since I last saw your smiling face. You really were the light in so many people’s lives and the memory of you continues to do this everyday. I wish you were here to give me a hug and tell me your words of wisdom. What you would think about the house, finishing uni and starting my dream career.
You were my biggest cheerleader and the only one that truly understood my career journey. You were the one behind me when I got my GCSE and my A-level results and helped me pick my uni. Everything I go through in life reminds me of you, and I know exactly where I get my strength and determination from. You were the most generous, warm hearted and caring person I know. So, I hope I can continue those traits and make both of you proud.
I’ll forever miss you at big events in my life. You should have been there to see me graduate, walk down the aisle and hopefully make you an amazing grandma. But I know that your presence will always be around me and my future family, no matter what journey I’m on.
I hope you’re looking down with pride now and always.
Miss and love you to the moon and back – Love Rachel xxx